HonestyTests

I once worked for a company that used a test that purported to measure people's honesty. The test was dropped, because the engineering staff couldn't pass. It's an occupational hazard of doing security, because apparently the people who make honesty tests are easily confused by a) literalists ("Why is it a wrong answer to say I would be more likely to steal $10.000 dollars than $10? It makes no sense to steal $10!") and b) people who think about security measures (it was also a wrong answer to look for security cameras and weaknesses in security systems).

I wasn't one of the test victims, but I feel sure that I wouldn't have passed (you weren't supposed to look for the cameras in subway stations! The police tell you to do that so that you can stand where they can see you and deter stupid criminals!) And in fact, recently we ran into a situation that pointed out to me the ways in which one becomes jaded and deceitful. My father called, asking to borrow my spare keys to one of his houses. I couldn't find them; I've packed them but not unpacked them. This was a great annoyance to him, since all the other spare keys had disappeared or were otherwise out of reach and he had a tenant. "Get new copies," I advised. "I can't; the keys say they're not to be copied." "Cover up where they say that, then. If you're the one taking them to be copied, just tape them over." (Why does it matter who goes to copy the keys? My father looks like a retired professor, the sort of person who would never dupe you into copying keys. His tenant is a young man, more likely to be regarded with a jaundiced eye. He'd do better to invest the quarter to buy a proper key cap.) My father found this idea undignified, unlikely to succeed, and dishonest, which I agree with on two out of three points. He called the management company, who proved to be as hopeless at key-finding as I am, with much less excuse, and duly provided him a letter on letterhead authorizing him to copy the keys.

He said "They had to give me a letter on letterhead to get them copied." I said "You mean, you had to have a letter on letterhead. It's not like you don't own a printer and a text editor perfectly capable of turning out a lovely letter on any letterhead you choose, and it's not like the hardware store authenticated the letter." In some ways, it's unkind to point out security theater to people who were enjoying it before you pointed out its transparently fictional nature.