Annoyed Thoughts On Toddler Clothing

I no longer have a baby, so I no longer buy baby clothes. Instead, I have been introduced to the glories of toddler clothing.

Toddler Sizing

Once you have finally mastered baby sizes, you are faced with a world in which there is a size 24 months, a size 2, and a size 2T. What is this? How can these be three different sizes?

Baby sizes are listed by their maximum size. A 24 month size is one you are expected to grow out of at 24 months. Child sizes are listed by the age you are while you wear them. Size 2 is the size you are expected to wear while you are 2, so it's the same as 36 months. Thus 24 months and 2 are completely different sizes.

What about the T? Well, theoretically the T tells a toddler size from a child size, and the difference is that a T size is cut for diapers. So a 2T is for a 2-year old wearing diapers, and a 2 is for one that isn't. Umm, because there are lots of 2-year olds out of diapers these days? And you see 2 and 2T shirts because… because manufacturers are just like that, I guess. 2Ts may or may not be bigger around than 2s. Some manufacturers make both and some don't.

Of course, not all manufacturers make 24 month sizes, because it's confusing. (And your kid is going to go naked for 6 months to keep you from being confused?). So your 19-month old may be swimming just like your newborn was.

But that's OK, because the whole diaper thing means that actually, your 3 year old may be back into those 18-month sizes in the summer. (No kidding. Potty training re-opens whole fields of previously too-small clothing.)

And toddlers are even worse than babies for randomly timed growth spurts. They wear the same clothes until you've been lulled into complacency, and then grow out of them in a week and are wandering around with their bellies sticking out because their shirts are too short, because a) they have nothing the right size to wear and b) they are old enough to become passionately attached to clothes and refuse to give them up just because they're falling to shreds and cutting off circulation.

Some manufacturers also skip size 3. When Opal was 2.5 and wearing size 3 (a mystifying moment since she'd worn the right size for her age always before) I was shocked by this. When that month was over and size 4 was a possibility for her, at not yet 3, I suddenly understood. At 3, she wears clothes in every size from 18 months through 5 inclusive, T and not T. Our only 4T is a set of pyjamas where they were deeply concerned that I had both a 4 and a 4T. Honestly, I'm not that worried about the fit of her pyjamas.

Toddler Clothing Styles

Toddlerhood is when two themes present in baby clothes but more-or-less subdued come racing to the fore. First, we have the licensed character clothing. Not just a superhero, Batman! Not just a train, Thomas the Tank Engine! Not just a Princess, a Disney Princess! Second, we have the miniature adult clothing. And not just any adult, either. No, they have to be the most gender-stereotyped adults possible. Mostly, of course, I am familiar with the prostitot style, in which small children wear clothes cut to look as if they had something to reveal, but never fear, little boys can dress in junior thug, too. Or your little girl can just wear a slogan like "Born To Shop".

To be fair, inappropriately adult clothing is pretty easy to avoid. Licensed characters are not. Last time we went to buy a pair of sunglasses, the closest we could come to character-free was to get a pair with a character that we didn't mind too much. Opal wanted Batman, which would have been OK with me except that I won't buy glasses with logos ON THE LENSES. (Not little ones, either, big whopping ones in the middle.) That was all that was available in Batman in our extensive shopping (we dropped into a drugstore which had a whole spinner full of them). So she has Thomas sunglasses, and adores them.

Fortunately, since I figured out the baby clothes thing and now I work and am too busy to shop much, I manage to mostly live in my happy bubble and only confront the true horrors out there in emergencies.

To Be Fair

There are some clothes out there I do like. My options have been somewhat reduced since Opal now has opinions of her own, which mostly involve wearing only things she is willing to consider dresses (this category includes shirts with frills), except for special outfits (like the proto-geek costume, a Google shirt and black leggings). Hanna Andersson is soft and comfy and wears like iron. We can't always find dresses we love, but since she is now 108 centimeters tall and still wears a size 80 dress as a shirt, when we do find them, I buy them at whatever price they are when I see them. Naartjie (they have a website, but you have to be ultra-devoted to order from them) are about 3/4s stuff I loathe for being too frilly, but DD loves it. Hedgehog does great dresses which Opal will wear to pieces. CWD Kids has a seemingly endless supply of dog dresses. (Once again they mix clothes I love with clothes I hate, but not as overwhelmingly as Naartjie.) Land's End is on and off again for us. Their dresses do not do it for us, but when she's willing to wear shirts and pants, they have good ones. And we've gotten some great bargain shoes.

Back To Potty Training

Potty training makes previously too-small pants fit again. It also produces the underwear minefield. How hard can it be? Well, suppose your little girl likes Thomas the Tank Engine. Prepare to buy her boys' underwear. Ditto if she is into Toy Story. Nemo and Curious George are apparently gender-neutral. But about your little boy who loves Dora… sorry, that's for girls. You can of course buy underwear of the wrong gender, and it is easier to find the front on boys' underwear. Not all children will accept this, and you should be aware that 3-year olds tend to have absurd gender rules and see each other's underwear.

Or suppose your little girl wants nothing more than to have purple underpants. You know what I ended up doing? Buying white underpants and dying them purple. Dharma Trading Company is my friend. The only solid colors you can have in toddler girls' underwear are white and pink, except for the really good egyptian cotton stuff, and they were out of purple when I looked.

Furthermore, read packages carefully. They make bikini underpants in a size 3. As far as I can tell, they make thong underpants in a size 3, but it's the bikini underpants I bought by mistake. Opal does not like bikini underpants. She likes her bottom to be covered by her underpants. We both think that toddler bikini underwear are a cruel joke.

Also, you need to examine all underpants carefully. They must have an easy way to tell the front from the back that is not contradicted by other clues. So, if you buy one pair with a big design on the front, do not buy any pairs with a big design on the back. Do not buy any underwear that has a tag somewhere other than the middle of the back. Will a 3-year old try to get the tag in the back when it's sewn into the side seam? Yes, she will. Does this work? Well, if the underwear are large enough, you can get both legs through one leg hole, but it's not a highly functional arrangement. Boycott manufacturers who put tags in the side seam.